


The Love That's So Uncut And Raw

by Thestorans



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bottom Niall, Fingering, Fluff, Hotel Rooms, M/M, Relationship Problems, Sad Harry, Sad Niall, Smut, So much angst, Top Harry, i just love angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 17:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12089853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thestorans/pseuds/Thestorans
Summary: "What the fuck are we doing?" He asks, breathless and panting when they part. Their noses are brushing together, the smallest tickle of a touch as they breath in each others air. He doesn't know what this question will lead to.Niall just blinks at him, his face illuminated by the lamp across the room and showing the shimmer of his wet lips and wet eyes."We're living our dreams H, you know that." He mumbles, and it's the truth that Harry doesn't know if he likes that much anymore.





	The Love That's So Uncut And Raw

**Author's Note:**

> This has smut in it, so please understand if you don't like smut this isn't for you. This work is also not edited because I just wanted to get it out there before Niall's birthday ended! 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy, I really loved writing this and I wanna thank my twitter mutuals for helping me figure this out!!
> 
> (Title from Adaptation By The Weeknd, I recommend listening to it while you read!)

The lights in Japan are mesmerizing, like an electrical fairytale with rainbows all around him as he gets out of the taxi taking him to his hotel. Harry has his surgical mask hung loosely along his neck and sunglasses shielding his eyes even though the sky was grey. 

The doors open, a man in a suit is guiding him inside and he smiles kindly, shaking his hand when the man greets him. He keeps a close eye on the back of the mans suit jacket when the man turns around to walk him to the front desk. He shoulders past people walking in and out of the hotel, short _'excuse me's'_ and _'pardon me's'_   stuttering out of him at every brush of human body against his own. 

He hasn't been noticed yet, and he hopes it stays like that. 

Usually he's okay with people glancing his way, raising brows or whispering quietly amongst each other with 'Is that Harry Styles?' passing their lips. But this is different, today is different, a special day he can't ruin and can't be late for. 

A person he can't be late for. 

So he keeps his mind set on the task at hand, eyes narrowed and focused on one thing hanging in his mind as he smiles at the receptionist and asks for a room key. He meets her eyes only for a second until he drifts them down onto the top of the reception desk. He wants to be low-key, doesn't feel safe under anyways eyes right now because the anxiety of being caught and mangled by fans it squeezing his heart. 

But she doesn't even give him a second look, just hands him a room key with the number and floor. He smiles at her, gives her a stiff nod, and then bolts towards the elevator doors. He waits till one opens and makes sure to be alone in one, and as soon as the doors close his breaths flows out of him in a long sigh. 

He wants this to be different, he wants to walk out of his taxi and see Niall standing there on the front steps of the hotel, arms crossed and one foot tapping impatiently along the steps. He wants Niall to run into his arms and he wants to kiss Niall's face all over till he has to scream and mumble _'Harry'_ to get him to stop. Right smack in the middle of Japan for everyone to see, but only no one would care, no one would take photos or bombard them with questions. Then they would rush up to a shared hotel room, get lost in each others bodies and shut-out the outside world around them for one night. 

That won't happen though, that was only in Harry's dreams last night as he laid in his London apartment. He remembers the dream clearly, and he can even feel the similar feelings his fantasy self was feeling, the fast heartbeat, the shiver down his spine, the feeling of acceptance and freedom. 

The ding of the elevator showing it was his floor snapped him out of his state, the dream daze that he locked himself into for a bit as he stood alone in a place for once. He grips his luggage harder, maneuvering down the hallway and finally getting to his room. Anxiousness is eating away at Harry now, and he's biting his lip as soon as he gets into his room and lays his luggage down. He doesn't even look at what the room looks like, doesn't check the wifi password or what channels are on the tv-- just grabs for the gift bag he has on top of his luggage, spins back around and rushes back out with his phone and room key in his back pockets. 

It's the floor above him, room 256. And he's grabbing for his phone to stare at the text message he screen shotted. It's Niall's room, the one he has for the night as he does his little show here in Japan. It's tomorrow night, they have plenty of time till then. 

It won't be for a while that they reunite like this again, Harry knows that in his heart and it brings bile crawling up his throat just at the simple thought of leaving Niall again and not seeing him for another long amount of months. He wishes it was as easy as it was in 2015, when he looked at Niall's blue eyes and didn't worry about crying to see them once again, when he tasted Niall's lips and didn't feel like he was going into withdrawal. 

There is always wishes and dreams and they all get broken, but right now Harry has made his plans and this won't get ruined tonight-- It won't. 

 

The hotel room door with the shiny numbers '256' bring Harry's breath to a choked stop in his throat. His hands grow sweaty and it's almost like he is sixteen again, meeting one of his first girlfriends at her front step to take her on a date, or getting ready to kiss his first boyfriend. It's the same heat in his stomach and he has to close his eyes before he moves a hand out to tap against the door. 

There's silence, pure silence and it makes Harry ears almost hurt because they are straining so hard to hear something. Maybe hear a 'yes pet?' from behind the door, or his laughter that makes Harry's life flash before his eyes. But there is only the shuffle of bedsheets when sound does come to his ears, and he steps back almost like he's scared when he hears the footsteps coming towards the door. 

He grips the present even tighter behind his back, the straps sliding from his fingertips from the sweat coating them. 

The doors opening now, the smallest creak of the hinges before Niall is staring at the love of his life. No dreams he has can recreate how perfect his face is, no television screen can bring out his eyes enough, no photo could make his heart beat faster when he's comparing it to looking at the real thing. 

"Fuck, pet..." Niall mumbles, and his eyes are wide and cheeks flushed in a blush already. They barely stare at each other for a second after he says that, now they were squished into a hug so tightly that it takes the breath right out of their lungs. 

Harry's doesn't need to breath, and he's pulling back to only kiss Niall as hard as possible, lips locking together and staying together like glue as he managed to close the door before dropping the present onto the ground. Now he can move his hands to Niall's hips, tightening them around the flesh...a familiar touch. 

"What the fuck are we doing?" He asks, breathless and panting when they part. Their noses are brushing together, the smallest tickle of a touch as they breath in each others air. He doesn't know what this question will lead to. 

Niall just blinks at him, his face illuminated by the lamp across the room and showing the shimmer of his wet lips and wet eyes. 

"We're living our dreams H, you know that." He mumbles, and it's the truth that Harry doesn't know if he likes that much anymore. 

Niall's hand comes up to grip his jaw, cupping it tightly and firmly like a promise. And it's what always drags Harry onto his knees, crawling like he's a slave wherever Niall walked. They should be breaking up, leaving each other behind because they're too busy to be in a relationship, too busy to love one another right. But Niall touch makes him melt like butter, makes his knees buckle and mind submit, because Niall is his devil and his angel at the same time. 

"Didn't know I had to sacrifice you for my dream." He mumbled, trying not to cry because he knows they didn't come here for a pity party. This was in celebration, but it comes out of him unexpectedly, these feelings of sadness and despair because Niall's face opens wounds. 

"Harry I-" Niall wants to say something, and there probably is so many unspoken words orbiting around them, but Harry interrupts him with another kiss. 

"Enough of this, how is your birthday so far?" He asked, smiling fondly when Niall starts to blush again. His eyes then flicker down to the floor, and Harry guesses he has noticed the present behind him at his feet. 

"It was good but, better with you here." He smiles widely and moves to grab Harry's hands to guide him towards the bed. There is room service already laid out on the bed, ready to be eaten. Harry raises a brow, and Niall shrugs with a small chuckle passing his lips. 

"When you called that you landed I wanted to get room service ready. I knew you were gonna be starving." Harry doesn't know how he can love this man more, but his heart flutters a little more at the realization of how much Niall cares about him--how much Niall still knows him even though they aren't as close as they used to be. 

"Thank you love, really you didn't need to I could've waited." He moves to kiss Niall's cheek before sitting himself down. He can't lie, the smell of the food makes his mouth water, and he has to bite his lip to stop himself from licking his lips. 

Niall smirks though, and flops down on the other side of the food tray and moves to place his elbow on the bed to lean his head against his hand. He stares at Harry with a sparkle in his eyes, with a smile barely hidden across his face. 

"I'll have a little nibble and then we can get into your birthday yea?" Harry makes sure to look at Niall as if he is asking for permission. He feels bad, first he walks into this hotel room with tears in his eyes and asking why they're still together, and now he is sitting here like a lazy arse eating food. 

But Niall doesn't look bothered at all, he more looks extremely fond as he nods softly. 

 

He eats but its not comfortable, every gulp of food sliding down his throat smothers the words he wants to say to Niall. He wants to talk, wants to lay themselves down and do anything because the world is shut out for no one to witness. 

Niall is noticing as well, the way he keeps raising his brow and pouting his lips whenever Harry stops chewing to stare off into the distance with narrowed eyes. It's only a couple seconds later when Niall sits up and sits cross-legged in front of Harry, mirroring him. 

"What's on your mind petal?" He asks, a small frown on his face. Harry thinks 'no, no' because he doesn't want Niall upset, a frown is the last thing he wants to see right now on a face like that. 

Harry gulps first, lets the biscuit he was eating go down his throat before he can say the words clogging his thoughts. 

"I had dreams about this night." He whispered, eyes immediately searching Niall's expression. He doesn't look shocked, instead Niall is only smiling bigger. 

"Dreams about us spending my birthday together in Japan, locked up in a hotel room?" Harry knows Niall wasn't a huge fan of all this, being confined in a hotel room as if they were in some jail cell. But like Harry said, he had plans, and this night was going to be one of their best nights together. They didn't need to spend the night roaming along the streets of Japan to be happy and content. 

He shifts more comfortably on the bed, hands still holding the other half of his biscuit with his hands settled in his lap as he squints at Niall. He takes a breath, let's it out, and speaks slowly. 

"I dreamed about us laughing till our stomachs hurt, talking till we lost our voices. I dreamed about kissing you on the lips till we both can't feel them anymore, I dreamed I laid you out on these bedsheets and fucked you till all we could say was _'I love you.'_ I dreamed out your hands on my hips, I dreamed about us waking up in the morning wrapped in each other arms not willing to let go." 

Harry doesn't realize he's crying till the tear slips down his cheek and hangs along his chin. And now hands are gripping at his cheeks like when he first walked into the hotel room, Niall's familiar body heat radiating onto him as he gets pulled in for a sloppy kiss over the food tray between them. 

They part, but keep their noses together, that same old promises touch--so small, so innocent and so subtle...but's it's enough to keep them focused on each others eyes, so much that they can look into each others souls. 

"I fucking love you Harry Styles." Niall sounds shaky, voice wavering and his bottom lip is wobbling so hard Harry easily caught up between his teeth--soothing it. 

They kiss again, they kiss and kiss and kiss and they're in their own fairytale until Niall's knee hits the tray and almost flips right over and off the bed. They separate quickly in shock, and then both chuckle at the mess they almost made. 

"What can't keep our hands off each other, even for a bloody minute." Harry giggles, grabbing for the tray to take it over to the desk beside the tv. As he is there, he grabs for Niall's present that is still settled on the ground--he spins dramatically on his heals, quickly outstretching his arms with the present fisted in both hands. 

Niall laughs loudly, the sound better than heaven and it shakes Harry's bones like an earthquake. He loves it, and he wants more of it. 

He missed it. 

"What the hell did you get me now Styles? I told ya no presents!" Niall cries out, but still makes grabby hands, gesturing Harry to give him the gift bag. 

Harry hands it over, now feeling his own blush layer across his cheeks when he sees Niall immediately start to open it. He keeps himself composed, licking his lips and locking his hands behind his back. 

Niall pulls the gift out, and immediately explodes into laughter, his little feet kicking out from under him so now he is laid out on his back on the bed--feet dangling over the sides. 

"You got me boxers but... with happy socks patterns all over them!" Niall still is laughing, but it's the good kind of laugh. Harry can tell by the way his face turns a bright red, and his eyes squeeze so tightly shut wrinkles form at the corners of them. The hint of a dimple shows across his left cheek, and Harry wants to kiss it. 

"Of course I did, I found it online somewhere and immediately thought of you. And since you probably own every sock in that happy socks store...I decided to get you something a little different." Harry feels proud of himself, all smug with his cheeky smirk. 

The best feeling of pride washes over him, because here Niall is right in front of him in the flesh, laughing and happy, and also loving the present he got him. 

What can get better than this?

"You have _got_ to tell me what website these are from babe." Niall's laughing dies down, and now soft giggles pass his lips as he stares at the boxers in his hands. They have little pints all over them, and it's probably the most _'Niall'_ thing Harry has ever bought. 

"I will...later." He mumbles, because now Harry is crawling on top of Niall and staring down at the most beautiful man he has ever laid eyes on. Niall is still holding the boxers in his hands, but slowly settles them onto his chest so his hands can be free to run through Harry's short curls. 

"Maybe you should try those on for me, give me a show." Harry jokes with a small chuckle, moving his face closer to Niall's. He teases though, and doesn't move any closer as he waits for an answer. 

Niall snorts first, squeezing his eyes shut in a cringe expression before reopening his eyes to put his blue eyes on display again. They glow even more in the dim lighting, like Harry's own flashlights. 

"I won't look very sexy in boxer shorts with pints all over them, and don't you ever think I'm gonna wear panties for ya, you arse." Harry laughs loudly with Niall this time, and he leans down to bury his face into his lovers neck. 

Niall smells like roses, like flowers freshly picked and placed in a vase to purify a room into beauty and delicateness. It makes Harry smile, it makes him remember why he would buy flower scented candles instead of vanilla when he's on the road alone now. 

"Never say never love." Harry chuckles out, letting his breath tickle Niall's neck and make him shiver. In return to his comment, he gets a playful slap on his shoulder making him yelp dramatically. 

"Oi! Be nice!" Harry yells out, now grabbing at Niall's sides to roll them over. Niall is now on top, straddling his hips and smirking down at him. He's completely brunet now, no streak of blond left, and he looks more manly with his broad shoulders and beard. It makes little Harry happy too, and he doesn't really know if he can control himself much longer. 

"This wasn't apart of your dreams, me staring down at you." Niall smiles softly, blinking his eyes so perfectly it's almost like he killed Harry with that one simple gesture. Like a shot to Harry's chest that goes straight through his heart. 

"It wasn't apart of my dreams, but it's better than that." Harry smirks, and now he's moving his hand to snake its way around to Niall's back and pull him down. Niall follows easily, like a tumbling tower until they are chest to chest. 

The warmth of their bodies together is mesmerizing. It's a familiar feeling, but its far away in Harry's memories--he has to reach for it in his brain, grab at it barely by his fingertips to remember this feeling last time they were like this. 

There is no talking, there's no need right now because the communicating is used through body language as they kiss and touch each other all over. Both their hands sneaking under each others shirt, the coolness of their fingertips rippling the skin underneath in shivers. 

Their shirts fly to the floor, their pants tangle up at the end of the bed, and now they're grinding against each other on top of the sheets, large tufts of air passing their lips with tense faces. Harry's hands are holding tightly onto Niall's arse, gripping it with effort as they rock against one another.

His abs tense, he can feel the bubbling feeling in his gut, the fire brewing inside him as Niall's moans become louder and turn into whines. They never stop, they don't stop and won't until Harry gets right to the edge. 

But he doesn't want this to end, and this was part of his plan as well. To make this night seem endless. 

So, he shoves Niall off him till the older brunet is laid out back on his back, looking up at the ceiling in surprise for just a few seconds before he's glaring at Harry. It's cute though, the pout across his face. 

"What the fuck Har-" but Harry doesn't let him speak further, his own name getting gulped back down Niall's throat before he can say it. He's now on top of Niall, hands gripping the bed sheets above Niall's head and legs locking him in place so he can't roll away. 

"M'cumming with me inside you." Harry speaks lowly, eyes darkening with the lust deep inside him now resurfacing along his body. He's buzzing all over, and he knows Niall is too with the way his lips part the slightest bit, a soft moan passing them at Harry's words. 

Harry puts himself to work now, shuffling off the bed and letting himself be guided to wear Niall's travel lube is. He grabs it eventually in one of the inside pockets of the suitcase, and right after he is back on the bed and slicking up his fingers. 

"Have you done anything since I've been gone? With yourself?" Harry asks, now grabbing lightly at one of Niall's knees to slowly separate the smaller brunets legs. They part quickly, and Harry licks his lips at the sight of his boyfriends entrance, looking neglected. 

"No time, can't really have a wank or really do anything with myself when I have people by my side 24/7. And I was too anxious to see you tonight so I forgot." Niall sounds sheepish, and Harry's smooths his thumb soothing where it's still holding Niall's knee, right along the inside of it. 

"It's fine love, I don't remember the last time I had a good wank either." Harry chuckles and lightens the mood, letting himself get comfortable before he moves up so he is face to face with Niall. He stares down at him, watching his eyes carefully as he slowly inserts one finger inside him. It goes in easily, with little resistance. 

"Ah, shit." Niall whines out, teeth clenching tightly and eyes shutting. But he quickly opens them right back up, probably remembering that Harry always gets scared when he doesn't show his eyes. Harry always looks at Niall's eyes, they're like his own messenger when words can't be spoken. He knows when Niall is in pain, he knows when he's in pleasure...all through the fragile glass of his eyes. 

"You okay babe?" He asks, leaning down to kiss faintly at Niall's collarbone. He lets his breath ghost against Niall's chest till he lifts himself back up to focus on Niall's eyes again.

"M'fine, just need to get used to it again." Harry hates that, cause he knows they haven't done this in so long that Niall can't adjust as quickly as he used to. He almost wants to suggest bottoming for tonight, but no, he knows Niall loves being the bottom and he won't ruin this birthday night. 

"Want me to keep going?" He asks, tone a little unsure as he stutters his fingers to a stop. 

"Yes, yes H I'm fine god please keep going." Niall sounds desperate now, and his chin is curling into his chest in pleasure as Harry rocks his fingers inside him till they're now at a hard and steady pace. 

Adjusting quickly becomes easier, and soon Niall is begging for more. His teeth biting his bottom lip raw and making Harry have to grip his chin to get him to let go of it. This all feels like a high, the sex in the air, the smell of lube and sweat mixed together among the bed sheets. Niall seems to be slowly leaving this earth, like he's slowly being beamed up to mars by aliens. The pleasure is intense, and they haven't even gotten to the best part yet. 

"Come on." Niall whines, patience thrown out the window as he kicks shuffles to the middle of the bed. Harry knows it's coming, this slow build till the peak of the night. Or what most people would consider the best part of their nights. He thinks of everything as the best part, the soft touches, the soft kisses, the loving words, the eating, the laughing, and now the sex. And then after, cuddling with their legs tangled together under the heat of the covers till daylight and reality steals them away from each other once again. 

He shifts, now leaning over Niall once again. They stare into one another eyes, and Harry blindly guides his cock towards Niall's entrance, letting it slowly slide in with a small push of his hips forward. He can see Niall's eyes widen, can see the blue darken and darken till his eyes look more like the deepest colour of the ocean. Niall's lips part, and slow and a long drawn-out moan rips through his throat until Harry is fully settled inside him. 

They keep it still, everything now completely quiet around them. No sounds, no screaming girls, no shutter of cameras, no paparazzi yells. It's just them, their bodies locked together and becoming one and no one is there to see them. It's their little secret, with the world oblivious. 

With no words exchanged, Harry slowly starts to move--rocking forward and back with careful thrusts. He's gentle, never brutal and he knows Niall will appreciate that. And it's okay to be soft at first, because the pace slowly picks up till the headboard is softly kicking against the wall. 

It's intense, the building pressure inside Harry till he feels like he is going to spontaneously combust. His breath keeps being held in his throat, and soon low groans coming deep from in his chest pass his lips. They're both close, and now Niall's nails are digging into the flesh of his hips, right beside the fern tattoos.

"Harry." Niall sobs out, his name sounding like honey coming from Niall's mouth. It's then that Niall arches his back and cum sprays out onto both of their chests, and Harry now cumming along with him with a short shout before he leans forward and smothers his cries into the pillows beside Niall's head. 

Their bodies are sticky together, sweat layering their skin. But it's the best high ever, the feeling Harry has been searching for for a long time. Niall's scent, his touch, his laugh...it's all back together and it revives Harry's heart and puts it back in it's rightful place. He doesn't feel empty anymore, or like he's missing something in his life. 

And they lay like that, no movement, no talking. The silence is hypnotizing, something they are never used to but something they both _want_ to get used to. 

But that can only be in Harry's dreams tonight.

 

The morning light shining into his eyes is like an instant bad mood trickling over Harry. He winces when he opens his eyes, and glares at the sun in hatred as he flips around to run away from it. 

He feels Niall's fluff of hair against his spine now, his head used to be curled into Harry's shoulder--he can also feel Niall's forehead against his back, there is still small fragments of sweat layered over it from last nights activities. 

Harry loves it all, but he knows its ending soon. Everything is coming to a close and his next flight back to London is today and he needs to get up and go before people start to realize where Niall's hotel is for his tour date. 

Regretfully he shuffles to sit up, now rubbing his eyes to get the sleep out of him. But it still ways him down, and his joints and muscles hurt--a sign he's getting old, he guesses. A shame. 

"Harry?" He hears a groggy voice, scratchy and not sounding fully there yet, like it's still in dream-land. But he looks over his shoulder anyways, and sees Niall staring at him with one eye opened, his cheek still smothered into the pillow. 

"Gotta go now love." He whispers, hoisting himself out of bed and immediately missing the welcoming and calming warmth of the comfy hotel sheets that held their combined body heat inside it. But he keeps himself going, forces himself to get ready as Niall slowly wakes himself up. 

He'd rather have Niall stay asleep, have him stay in bed and when Harry is done getting dressed he can simply walk over to him, whisper a goodbye and then give him a kiss on the temple before he vanishes to his own hotel room that he hasn't even slept in. 

But he can here Niall getting up, and he slowly turns around after putting on his shoes, now standing face to face with the love of his life once again. But this time he's leaving, and leaving for a long time. 

"I'll see you soon yea? See you at IHeart?" Niall asks, and Harry nods silently. But really they don't know, life may be too busy, schedules may fuck them over. That's usually what happens. 

Niall knows it too, and thats why his eyes drift down to the floor--a frown is now tugging down across his face. 

It's a horrible look that hurts Harry's heart, and he moves forward to lean down and kiss Niall's forehead with the softest press of his lips. He wants to cry all over again, but he keeps it in. Maybe when he is all alone in his own hotel room, where not even his lover can see him. 

"See you at the festival, ya. Make sure you sing along to my songs, hype me up." Harry jokes, but it's all half-hearted and not really there. He can still see the way Niall doesn't look fully there, because they knew it's false hope. 

"Call me when you land, ya?" Niall asks, voice growing so quiet Harry was lucky he was standing so close to him or he was sure he wouldn't hear if he was any further. 

"Of course." Harry answers, and now he's trying to meet Niall's eyes, not letting Niall avoid them until Niall is softly chuckling. When they finally meet gazes it's that same shock of electricity that runs through them, like they're staring into each others futures that hold one another. Or that hopefully held one another. 

They lean in and kiss now, the locked promise that ends their time together. It's the sign that Harry needs to leave now, because too many kisses will make them both fall apart, and staring into each others eyes for too many seconds may cause them to lose themselves. 

Last night was their little secret dream, and now the morning has came and it's reality hitting them like a truck. So, Harry smiles one last time at Niall before he turns and walks towards the hotel room door, his own hotel keys and phone back into his jean pockets. 

Niall's room door clicks closed behind Harry as he walks down the hallway, and now the relationship part of his life is forced into the back of his mind and blocked off to keep him sane. Now, he needs to figure out his next flight, and get back to rehearsals for his tour. 

But he is sure they will see each other again, maybe not this month, maybe not next month. But soon, and it will either be in another hotel room, or in one of their many houses.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, I would love feedback!


End file.
